Recently she came across a strange question, a question which she couldn’t answer, a question that she couldn’t stand, a question that totally disturbed her.
Nothing great, its a simple one-
” WHAT HAPPENED?”
“What happened to you? You were not like this.”
She didn’t know how to answer this one. No idea what has happened. She didn’t know what has happened to her.
In the past two years, she has seen a lot, a whole lot.She has been through situations that made her go numb. Usually we say time flies, but with her, it didn’t even crawl. She had to drag it, drag it to the very last of it.
Things had been all haywire. And during all this process, somewhere in between, I guess she lost herself, she lost her personality, her talent, her capabilities and most importantly , her confidence, her believe and her esteem.
She didn’t know what she had made of herself. Was she too harsh on herself? Or did she just left herself to let go? She didn’t know what exactly just happened.
All she could remember about the last two years, is a ton of problems that crept in. Overcoming those, I see that strong girl fighting and coming out, but in the end, she is tired! Now, she is a girl who is fed up, all done with the problems.
Now today this girl feels dejected, lost all her assertiveness, she doubts and questions herself at every step, scared to move forward. But still fighting, fighting with herself , fighting with the people, fighting with the problems just to win back -herself, her assurance and her esteem.
From fighting for her family to fighting against her family. From ignoring her dream for people to ignoring people for her dreams. From loving herself to doubting herself. She has gone through a lot, some for the good , some for the bad.
Now she is left with no colour in the heart, just painting on some,to show. Now she possess no joy of her own, simply fake smiling, but who will ever know!? Now all she has, is a jammed head and an empty heart.
Explanations and answers are not a way out. Some words are always missing. Even the dictionary doesn’t suffice to spell her internal demise.
Therefore whenever someone asks her- What happened? What happened to you?
She gulps down the heavy cry, stretches the eye to accommodate and hide that extra drop of tear and clears her throat to say- NOTHING and then walk away with a smile.
Then in solitude, she cries her heart out, and tries to convince and criticise herself at the same time.
But I guess, that NOTHING here, doesn’t mean NOTHING. Instead, I think, it means almost EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING WRONG, WHICH WE DON’T BOTHER TO UNDERSTAND.