Penning poetry, pinning points!

Death without dying..!?
you must be thinking, I am lying.

But how do I tell you,
that its really true,
the dreadful thoughts out of the blue.

Something’s eating me up,
still when someone asks me ssup?
I reply with happiness pumped up,
and do cheer with the cup.

Its been long ,hiding all inside,
because I just cannot decide,
that whom to trust, and sit beside,
and speak all that is in my heart abide.

The thudding in the already heavy heart of mine,
is taking away far all my face and life’s shine,
I am not happy whether I  sit to study or to dine,
I can just say that I need a help from the divine.

People think it to be just a matter of thought, 
but they dont know that it really hurts a lot,
for me now real happiness is very costly bought,
which I definately cannot even think to afford.

Life seems to be a burden,
things feel very uncertain,
at the back of the curtain.

Your task is to avoid almost all the people,
no matter, you have to climb the steeple.

You become a world class mason,
building walls for your private station,
believing to never attain salvation.
in negetive way goes all ur derivation.

The words,the hurts,
the cuts ,the wounds
the thoughts of being doomed.
The blames,the shames,
the broken trusts and the baloon of patience bursts.
the patience ends,
the emotion it sends,
and the pain it blends,
can never be felt,
unless personally dealt.
Just know this all, it isn’t any easy,
it can drive one all mad and crazy.